stolen glance

it creeps into my heart
and circles my mind
the flashbacks make me queasy
it was untainted
and now it is spoiled
when one moment a heart can swell
in another it is exhausted
search for strength
it is in nature
the warmth of the earth
and the healing of time
perhaps one day a smile will be genuine
and there will be no secrets
and no locked doors
but open arms and warm beds
for the lonely to be loved
and the loved to be cherished.

Another Weekend at Rider

I so wish I could post up the pictures from this weekend up on Facebook. However, if I do so, everyone in said photos will personally come to kill me in the worst ways possible.

Time is really passing too fast here at Rider. Come Monday, it'll be the fourth week since school started and I haven't really done as much as I wanted... perhaps the weekend madness, but other than that partying, not much else.

I have been talking to my professors. Haven't gotten a slot to breathe much, let alone search online for internships for next summer. One major exam down, another one coming up in the next week or so, or perhaps even tomorrow! Slacking is not charming.

New news:

• I purchased The Settlers of Catan... but have yet to play it.
• I'm back to managing Gee Hall for the Residence Hall Association as President this school year.
• I've moved from Axe to Old Spice
• I won a $10 gift card playing Guitar Hero
• I've started work. It's so hard to wake up to walk to the other side of campus, just to do data entry and go on facebook.
• I've cut down on twittering, immensely

I wish I had something more inspiring to say-

but nothing comes to mind yet.
except that Troy is an awesome movie.

Fighting Dream

Where's the substance?
All I hear is an emptiness
of words and white noise

My heart-shaped heart
is a prisoner of Torment
If my heart was as a silk art
Its ruin be the slow tainting
of long, jagged fingernails
pulling the thread of the silk
like the strings of my heart.

Torment being inescapable
No one man will be without the knowledge
of heartache
of pain
of sorrow.

Driven by Madness, the master of torment
The lonely path is one he chooses
Out of spite and clouded eyes
For reasons only he may know

In downward spiral his life will drain
Mistakes made from no control or refrain
Entombed with his soul in a hollow
The past actions of his life follow
These Demons leak out from skin
Travel from best friend to next of kin
These demons of his past
Will forever seem to last
Shall he have the courage to grow
He shall reap what he will sow
If his heart is pure
And decisions sure
The tomb which he did lay
Will not be his final place
For he will find the power
In search of his high horse
Leaving past actions behind
To not be foolish or blind
Steps forward onto his World
Steady, learned and unfurled
With wisdom and years
With no regret or fears
To conquer his dream
The dream that sparks nightmares
The dream with adventure and love
The dream that demons he must face
The dream he fights to live
The fighting dream.

Idiots

Maybe it just happens around me a lot. But every time I'm on the road, I seem to encounter idiot, after idiot. If you don't know how to drive... then get the fuck off the road.

Anyone who crosses my path on a bad day would be fearful. And I pity those who tick me off in the other lanes.

Wanna know why there are so many road accidents? It's because of idiot drivers which I encounter everyday. I hate it when people just turn without signaling. One day, you turn without signaling and some BIG ASS TRUCK on the opposite side of the road is gonna just PLOW YOUR MOTHAFUCKING SHIT all over the pavement. See how you like that.

Another form of idiot can be abundantly found in the service industry. Well, it is the biggest industry. I don't even know how to categorize these people. They're better off digging a hole and burying themselves in it- that's if they're even capable of understanding the simple functions of a shovel.

Waiters and Waitresses... idiots. You don't know how to serve the customers, you're just waiting to get fired. Phone Operators or Receptionists... Don't know how to answer the phone like how you're paid to do so, or how your boss said you should, with the name of what place you're calling/business/resort/association...

I'm sure I'd rant about idiots more. But I fear they're not too bright to even notice they're stupidity. Consumers. Just eating away, taking up space on this planet.

Idiots.

Like 1,2,3,4

It gets taken away. Your existence as you know it. Rigor mortis.

No one wants to die a slow and painful death. When I think about it, if I were stricken by a slow gnawing death, I'd find it so hard to face those whom I love so dearly. I would not have them see me deteriorate.

Disclaimer: the following paragraphs, as above, are streams of random thoughts, time, place and memory. When you dig up the past, you tend to dig up skeletons.

I have a friend. Let's call this friend, 'A'. Friend A taught me to love myself, but also taught me how it felt like to want what you can't have.

I have a friend. Let's call this friend, 'B'. Friend B taught me that the value of friendship shouldn't crumble due to trivialities, but also taught me destructiveness.

I have a friend. Let's call this friend, 'C'. Friend C taught me reflection is the key to the harmonizing and betterment of oneself, but also taught me that the closer you are to someone, the more hurt you'll feel when it is them that hurts you.

When she looks into the mirror, all she sees is a mesh of voices. Voices that are compiled to form a life-force compelled to achieve what the voices say to do, to finish, to act, to be. If one was devoid of voices, would there still be a person left standing?

When it is you that is on my mind, I smile and think back of times that I don't dare tell anyone. Of which I don't dare talk about or recall with you, because I'm afraid it would mean something, or nothing.

When it is you that is on my mind, I regret not saying the obvious, but I let myself become the bigger person and left you without extra troubles.

And when it is people like you on my mind, I float away and dream about the future, of what possibility and magic of what adventures it may bring. Only to have waken up to live short-lived lives together.

On still waters
a boat we sit
we wait
we dream
for what will push
with winds that move
or the rocking
of excitement

Blogger or Firefox has beef

Can't log onto Youtube or Blogger on Firefox. I can log onto Youtube if I delete/refresh all cookies each time I restart Firefox. Only able to log onto Blogger using Windows Explorer- which I'm using right now.

Last night, headed to a new place- Escobar, and before that, Eurotrash- which was, trash. The layout just looks nice but the website is very deceiving as its a tiny ass place. Prefered Escobar much much more. Didn't drink much. However, did get really whacked when 4 of us dragged the dining table near the window, drape a bedsheet over it, crawl under and smoked up while breathing in the fumes.

In other news, one exam down, one to go. Chinese Philosophy on Tuesday was a disaster. Not that smoking up the night before with a buncha friends from the program was a good idea- but hopefully I'll pull off a pass. Up next is Media in Asia, which is really Media in Japan because the teacher is biased towards learning about Japan... Jap-crazed bitch. The class is not bad- well, I don't attend the lectures, but the reading materials are quite interesting.

I'm craving something yummy!

<3

No more than 500ml a day

well, it's actually 495ml if you do the math. That's the maximum amount of RedBull one should consume within a day.

And, yes. I am procrastinating. I've got 4000 words of garble down for a 1500 word literature paper. Sylvia Plath was a modernist/feminist/dead writer- why couldn't we have done something like Whitman? Where the poetry was more lively! Instead there's death and suicide all over Plath's work... ironically, she committed suicide herself.

That's not the point.
Actually, I have no point.

My computer is on the fritz again and my internet is running slow. What's new...

Oh yeah, what's with jerkoffs and their constant need to get their dicks wet? I mean, how much more action do you want? Perhaps they'll get the idea once their dicks start to fall off.

Pringles sour cream and onion just killed my night.

Randoms:

• I've got a pimple on the left cheek and it stings
• Love You, Man is quite the retarded flick
• My shot glass collection is coming along swimmingly - about 10 pieces so far
  
• My room looks like a cluster fuck
• I'm craving a beer/shots (what's new, ey)
• I require a tan

a fool to be lovelorn

Sydney's been rainy every day since I've been here. It's also cold. Then again, I've been told that this is how the winter is like in this part of Australia. Despite the drag weather, I've managed to make the best out of sightseeing with the little daylight I seem to chase after- due to my habits of sleeping in way past the sun hath risen.

If it were warmer, I'd sleep out by the harbor, bay, Sydney University or a nice park somewhere. The places I've seen (other than within the city center) are beautiful. I've been to Darling Harbor, Sydney Harbor, Sydney University and a couple other random places such as parks and a rundown, yet quaint, cemetery. And since pictures speak a thousand words, I shall post some up on Facebook and Flickr... when I get the chance.

Darling Harbor at night is really peaceful. That is, if you find yourself there on a quiet weekday, in a nice little perch, staring into the bay and watch the reflection of an array of different boats, yachts and ferries play off the water. The surrounding towers of light casting colorful shapes on the dark water make it possible to see the waves swept around by the wind. I love it. Picturesque.

Also, I've had the most awesome pork ribs at the Hurricane restaurant by Darling Harbor. Simply amazing for a pretty posh place. A full rib dish at $33 fills two people up like no tomorrow. I would love to try and finish one of those on my own. If KFC hadn't taken "finger lickin' good" as their slogan, I'd whop it down for those ribs. Orgasmic!

I shall blog more about this Sydney trip- of course on the rays of sunshine and pockets of moondust sprinkling tidbits of magic along the way. Seeing as it is rather late and I sense another "late to rest, late to rise" repeating... I shall hit the hay soon.

Btw, thanks to you guys for healing my silly heart. I don't believe I'll ever have enough sensibility to avoid putting myself in situations that end in disaster and heartbreak/heartache. While empty vessels make the most noise, hollow hearts make annoyingly depressed people.

On that note, cheers to you!
Lots of love to my friends-
oh, you bunch of lovely, crazy, wonderful people.